Stoicism · The Stoic Way, part 10 of 20 · 4 October 2026 · Charlotte Himsworth
The Dichotomy of Control
The first and most freeing lesson of Stoicism.
If you remember only one Stoic idea, let it be this one. It opens the Handbook of Epictetus, and it has helped people through almost every kind of difficulty for two thousand years.
Two kinds of things
“Of things some are in our power, and others are not.” In our power are our judgements, our intentions, our choices and our responses. Not in our power are other people’s actions and opinions, the past, our reputation, and how events finally turn out.
Where suffering begins
Epictetus taught that much of our distress comes from mixing these up: trying to control what we cannot, and neglecting what we can. We lie awake over another person’s choices, while our own next step goes untaken.
The middle ground
The modern Stoic William Irvine points out that many things are partly up to us. We cannot guarantee winning a race, but we can train well and run our best. We cannot make a relationship work alone, but we can play our part with honesty and care. Here, the wise aim is our own effort, not the outcome.
Two circles meeting
Picture it as two circles. One holds what is up to you; the other, what is not. Where they overlap is what you can influence. Put your energy there and in your own circle, and let the rest go gently.
A simple practice
Take one worry and write it in the middle of a page. Around it, sort its parts into three groups: up to me, partly up to me, not up to me. Choose one action from the first two groups, and release the third.