Stoicism · The Stoic Way, part 11 of 20 · 4 October 2026 · Charlotte Himsworth
Disturbed Not by Things, but by Judgements
How the stories we tell shape what we feel.
Epictetus made an observation that would, two thousand years later, help to found modern cognitive therapy: “Men are disturbed not by the things which happen, but by the opinions about the things.”
Event and story
Something happens: a friend does not reply to a message. Then, almost instantly, a story arrives: “They’re annoyed with me,” or “I’m not important to them.” It is often the story, more than the event, that hurts.
Impressions and assent
The Stoics described this carefully. First comes an impression, the way something appears to us. Then we either assent to it, accepting it as true, or we pause and question it. Wisdom lives in that pause.
Not denying what happened
This does not mean every painful feeling is our own fault, or that real losses do not matter. Some things are genuinely sad, unjust or frightening. The Stoic invitation is simply to notice the extra layer of story we add, and to ask whether it is true and helpful.
Kinder interpretations
Often there are other, kinder readings: perhaps your friend is busy, unwell, or simply forgot. We may never know. But we can choose the interpretation that lets us respond with patience instead of hurt.
A simple practice
Next time something stings, write down the event in one plain sentence, then the story you told yourself about it. Ask: is this story certain? Is there another way to see it? Notice how your feeling shifts.